


nobody does it like you do

by catarara



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: 5+1 Things, Denial, M/M, Mac Gets Laid, Multi, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 06:43:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10565802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catarara/pseuds/catarara
Summary: five(+) times mac has sex and one time he has sex with dennis





	

**Author's Note:**

> i love 5+1 fics, i love lowercase fics, i love macdennis

i.  
the first time mac has sex, he’s in his senior year of high school, and it’s completely accidental. really. he swears. not that sex isn’t totally fucking sweet, but it’s dennis’ prom date and he really, really fucked up. 

she had seen dennis making out with maureen ponderosa, and if dennis was going to cheat, then she could return the favour. mac just so happens to be the lucky guy.

and really, mac should be more enthusiastic, he’s losing his virginity, man!

the sex isn’t that great. in fact, she’s gross. it’s hard for mac to keep it up, his erection droops with every one of her high-pitched moans, and mac keeps thinking of dennis. dennis is going to kill him. 

so mac does the rational thing, he blames it on tim murphy. dennis was leaving for penn state soon, he’d never have to find out, and mac couldn’t bear dennis leaving and hating him. 

fuck tim murphy though.

ii.   
megan, the pro-lifer, is crazy. mac totally supports the cause and the sex is wild. mac’s done it in a car a couple times before, of course, but this girl is down for whatever in that backseat.

until:

“i’m pregnant!”

and mac’s situation comes crashing down.

megan turns out to be testing him, and secretly, mac is so relieved. he’s in his (late) twenties, he lives with his best friend, he has no money, he doesn’t love her, not like the way he loves-

it doesn’t matter, because he’s relieved, and she’s pissed, and mac’s gonna miss that sex, but she’s driving off, and mac heads back to the bar, already moving on.

iii.   
carmen is different. she has a dick, for one. there is a dick in her pants.

but it’s totally not gay, alright? because mac is not gay. he is 100% straight. he’s just biding his time until carmen gets it removed. 

which is why when he’s making out with carmen, which is really nice by the way, and he brushes against it, he gets uncomfortable. mac talks this over with carmen, and is easily persuaded into not being uncomfortable. 

carmen is very helpful. anal sex is not that different from vaginal sex (honestly, it’s better, mac admits to himself and maybe God). carmen walks him through it every step of the way. mac’s the one banging her, duh, because he’s the man, so he does the banging. also, carmen tells mac using her penis during sex sometimes makes her feel dysphoric, and mac’s not entirely sure he understands, but he’s not getting plowed in the ass, so it’s okay. 

carmen is tight, tighter than any girl mac’s been with before, and she likes to get a little rough- which kind of hurts, okay? carmen’s strong- but mac is into it, he’s into carmen.

mac slowly fucks her from behind, unsure what to do with his hands, and soon enough, carmen directs her hands to her dick. at first, he’s startled, he’s touching a dick for christ’s sake, which is not the same as the bro-stuff he does with dennis, okay. anyways, mac goes with the movements of carmen’s hand guiding his, and then he’s jacking her off.

he’s ashamed of himself afterwards. he wants to repent. he wants forgiveness. 

he doesn’t get it from carmen and God never answers him.

iv.   
barbara reynolds is dennis’ mom and mac honestly should stop doing these things to dennis. dennis is his best friend, but charlie is too, and charlie says ‘go for it’ so he goes for it.

the weird thing is, during sex with barbara, mac can’t stop thinking about dennis. maybe it’s because he’s fucking dennis’ mom who looks so much like dennis if you think about it. mac tries not to.

and so maybe mac gets a teensy bit obsessed. mac’s actually not too good at the one night stand thing. his thought process is simple: if she wants to bang you, she wants to date you. so that makes barbara his “girlfriend”. 

barbara soon “breaks up” with him, explaining she only slept with him to piss off frank. 

mac is a little bit devastated. he really thought he and barbara had something good going. her eyes were a little too green for his taste anyway. he’s more into that whole baby blues look with just a hint of green.

v.   
mac fucks numerous women, most of which are dennis’ leftovers. the MAC (move-in after completion) system is without fault.

dennis only picks the best women, so it makes sense for mac to also have the best women. mac refers to it as “swimming in dennis’ wake”. he plays a sensitive and intelligent guy who is there for these girls after dennis “separates entirely”. the girls cry on his shoulder, he makes his move, they do the pants dance. it works perfectly (most of the time) (okay, so only like 32 percent of the time). 

mac is irresistible to these girls. he’s charming and empathetic to their situation, and sometimes he just ends up listening to these girls complain about dennis, and he gets it, and he tells them this. 

“i’m always his wingman, you know?” mac tells one girl on the couch in his and dennis’ apartment. dennis is out, probably using the DENNIS system on someone new.

“i never get in on any of the action. i’m always sidelined.”

and it works, she feels sorry for him, and just when he’s ready to swoop in for a kiss and make sweet love with her, she pats his bicep, sniffs, and says, “oh you poor thing, it must be hard to be in love with someone you can’t have.”

“huh?”

“to be in love with your best friend, it’s really quite romantic actually. you’re so strong for staying his friend while hurting for so long, i can’t even imagine it.”

he falters, and she kisses his cheek, “well, i really gotta go, it’s getting late. but mac, if you ever need to talk to someone about dennis again, just call me.”

she’s out of the door, and mac is dumbfounded.

he laughs, in a manic sort of way, then trails off.

“oh, my god,” he whispers to himself.

+i.  
mac moves forward. mac goes to confession and repents and says his hail mary’s, and the priest forgives him.

mac stops banging the girls who have been DENNIS system-ed, and then just stops banging girls in general. a lot of things start making sense to mac about himself. it’s a lot to take in. 

he’s forty years old when he comes out of the closet and stays out. 

the gang supports him in their own weird, mean way. dennis supports him. mac is most worried about dennis. will dennis treat him differently? will dennis be uncomfortable? will dennis realize mac is probably in love with him?

it’s not like mac doesn’t try to get over dennis. he doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, and so he tries dating other guys. 

except charlie- charlie- points out that percy, mac’s most recent boyfriend, looks a lot like dennis. in front of everyone in the bar. including dennis.

“no, he doesn’t!” mac’s voice climbs as he speaks.

“uhh, bro, baby blue eyes, kennedy hair, kinda looks like a modern adonis. really, he’s just like 2003 den-,” charlie continues.

mac is flushing all sorts of colours before slapping a hand over charlie’s mouth.

dee and frank are looking at him. dennis is looking at him.

oh, fuck.

so, mac does the only sensible thing he knows to do: he bolts. he gets the fuck out of there. he doesn’t have very many hiding places- dennis and him are blood brothers, it’s not like mac can actually hide without dennis finding him soon enough. but dennis doesn’t come after him like in the movies and mac really, really wants to die.

mac breaks up with percy over a quick phone call. mac remembers the girl on the couch years ago, “it must be hard to be in love with someone you can’t have” and knows percy deserves better than him. 

then mac hides at the rainbow until 2 am, when they close. he gets pretty drunk and makes out with a few guys (curly-haired blondes with blue eyes and red lips) but his buzz is wearing off on the walk home.

he hesitates before going to unlock the door, before remembering he left his keys at the bar. 

“shit,” he mutters, and the door swings open, and now mac is face to face with dennis.

dennis looks tired, and it’d be endearing the way his eyes are droopy and his hair ruffled, if he also didn’t have the look of murderous intent on his face.

“look, bro, i’m sorry, i know it’s late,” mac slides past dennis, trying to act normal, “you shouldn’t have waited up for me, although i am glad you did because i left my keys at the bar when i ran off, i guess. i was just surprised, you understand right? it didn’t mean anything-,” mac’s rambling pauses, not hearing dee’s snoring, “where’s dee?”

“i told her to stay at charlie’s.”

“oh. why would you do that?”

mac can hear dennis exhale through his nose from behind him, “because we need to talk.”

“talk about what?” the front door shuts.

“don’t play dumb. when were you going to tell me?”

mac sighs and spins around to face dennis, “how was i supposed to, dennis? ‘i love you, i am in love with you.’ is that what you want me to say?”

“well, yes. that’s generally what people say,” dennis’ voice is going shrill, “i’m your best friend! you should be able to tell me these things!”

“that’s exactly why i couldn’t tell you! what would you have done? rejected me? ‘separate entirely’?! i can’t handle that, dennis.”

“is that what you’re afraid of? did you ever think about how i feel about you?”

“you don’t have feelings,” mac snaps.

dennis swings at mac, and mac swings back, and they jump at each other, hitting the ground, rolling and fighting. this is normal, mac can handle this. when they finally stop, mac is sore and has scratches all over his face and his body, while dennis just looks disheveled, the split lip he’s sporting even making him more attractive. 

so mac, full of adrenaline still, leans forward and licks at the swollen lip, and dennis moans. mac reels back, thinking he hurt him, because mac doesn’t want to hurt dennis anymore. really, the punch that caused the bleeding lip was an accident. but mac can see dennis’ eyes closed, and it doesn’t look like pain, and he glances down, and notices the bulge in dennis’ pants.

which is a surprise. everyone knows the mastery dennis has over his dick. mac nearly short-circuits when he realizes he did this to dennis.

dennis opens his eyes to a slack-jawed mac, and smiles, something genuine, but still dark. mac shivers, and is ready to apologize when dennis gracefully swoops forward and captures mac’s mouth with his own. 

mac nearly melts and when they part, he tries to talk, “but- but you-”

dennis smiles again, “did you ever think as to why i spend so much time putting up with your shit?”

“hey!”

“i feel things too, dumbass, and i feel things for you.”

mac is stunned, and after a minute of processing, asks in a small voice, “you mean it?”

dennis responds by kissing him again. mac, who is never going to get used to the feeling of dennis’ lips on his own, slowly but enthusiastically returns the kiss. dennis slips in his tongue, and mac knows it’s all downhill from that point.

before long, mac and dennis have stripped each other of their clothes, and mac’s had a semi since the fight, but it’s full mast now, and dennis doesn’t wait before getting on his knees and taking mac down. mac fists his hands through dennis’ curls and dennis hums from around his dick. it feels good, too good, and mac pulls dennis off. dennis gives mac a confused look.

“i, i wanna fu- i want to make love to you,” mac trips over his words, bright red.

“well, what are you waiting for, baby boy?” dennis smirks and it’s so sexy. they’re both on the floor still, so mac lifts them up, and carries dennis to the couch.

“gimme a sec,” mac sets him down, before running out of the room and then returning with a bottle of lube. “have you ever done this before?”

“i experimented with myself in the back a few times,” dennis replies and mac can just imagine it, but now’s not the time when he’s got the real thing in front of him, or below him, he guesses. “have you?”

“well, with carmen, but that doesn’t count as gay sex and i didn’t go all the way with any of my boyfriends, but,” mac tilts his head, “kinda, i guess.”

dennis’ eyes darken at the mention of other people, and mac instantly knows, so he says speedily, “but you’ll be my first true experience.” and at that, dennis is mollified.

mac opens the bottle of lube, and slathers it on three fingers. he kisses down dennis’ neck, and dennis sighs contently. 

mac inserts one finger in dennis, then two, then scissoring and listening to dennis moan, then finally a third finger. during the third thrust of the third finger, mac finds dennis’ prostate. dennis doesn’t believe in god, but he knows he just had a religious experience on dee’s couch with mac’s fingers up his ass.

dennis does a full body shudder and his eyes roll back, and mac knows that’s the spot. he pulls his fingers out of dennis, and dennis whines, a low and needy sound.

“don’t worry, den, i’m gonna take care of you,” mac whispers into dennis’ ear as he slicks up his dick with lubricant. 

dennis whines again, and mid-whine, mac presses the tip of his dick to dennis’ asshole. he starts to penetrate, sliding in, and dennis’ sounds are now choked half-sobs, so mac rubs soothing circles into the palms of dennis’ hands. it helps a little, because now it’s half-sob, half-moan, so mac asks if dennis is alright once he’s reached as far as he can go in.

“yeah, just, please, move, please.”

mac begins with shallow thrusts and dennis keens, so mac speeds up, taking his noises as encouragement. dennis’ dick is flushed red, leaking, and mac is practically gleeful at his effect on dennis. mac reaches down with one hand, grabs a hold of dennis’ dick and starts jerking him. they’ve jerked off together so many times, mac knows exactly what he likes, and runs the tip of his finger across the slit while pounding into him.

“i’m gonna come, baby boy, i’m, i’m coming,” and dennis does, and he tightens up around mac’s dick, as his own dick is shooting ropes across their stomachs. mac comes soon after, the tightness too much. mac comes inside of dennis, and slumps down after finishing, not removing his dick yet.

“hey, i’m sensitive, asshole,” dennis grumbles and mac smiles into the crook of his neck.

mac murmurs, “i love you,” as he pulls out, and dennis just gasps out, “oh, my god.” mac gets up, kisses dennis’ sweaty forehead, and goes to the bathroom to get a wet towel. he comes back, passing the clock reading 3:55 a.m., and wipes dennis up. dennis grumbles sleepily.

mac grabs a blanket then crawls behind dennis, spooning him. dennis moves one of his hands towards where mac’s is wrapped around his waist, grabs said hand, and interlocks their fingers to the best of his sleepy ability. mac presses a kiss to dennis’ neck, and hears his breathing even out. they fall asleep like that, content.

**Author's Note:**

> and then dennis runs away to north dakota.


End file.
